well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
