I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
