barbara walters just said penis...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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