Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
