dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
