Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
