I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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