my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
