so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
