I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
