shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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