Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
