in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
