I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
