the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
