Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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