Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
