I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
