i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
