i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
