is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
