So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
there was a trapeze. enough said
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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