I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
