she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
