Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
