I've blown a few things in my day
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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