My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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