Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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