is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
