So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
