I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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