ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
