You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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