We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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