that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
