just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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