my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
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