We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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