its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
