White coat. Heels.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
