I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
