It's like a parade of train wrecks.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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