hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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