she looked like the bat from fern gully.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
