I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Houston, we have a blender
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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