I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
