dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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