I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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