Me. At least after what I've been through.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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