I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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