i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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